The Earnings Call

Record quarter. Best revenue in company history. Stock up 12%. The CEO used the word “incredible” four times.

The layoffs were announced the following Tuesday. Twelve thousand people. The press release said “restructuring to position the company for future growth.” The present was the most profitable quarter in the company’s existence, and twelve thousand people got an email at 6am telling them their access had been revoked.

The email was compassionate. They’re always compassionate. “We don’t take this decision lightly.” “This does not reflect your individual contributions.” The language is so consistent across companies you’d think there’s a template. There is.

The severance comes with a release. Sign and you get three months of pay. Don’t sign and you get nothing. You’ll take it because you have a mortgage and two weeks of COBRA before the real insurance math kicks in.

The people who survived got a different email. “We know this is a difficult time.” “The decisions we’ve made allow us to invest in the areas that matter most.” Translation: you’re still here because you’re cheaper than hiring your replacement later. The next earnings call is in ninety days.

The CEO’s compensation that year: $47 million. Stock grants that vest based on the metrics the layoffs improved. Reduce headcount, reduce costs, improve margins, hit the target, vest the shares. The twelve thousand people are the input. The $47 million is the output.

The institution isn’t cruel. Cruelty implies intention. The institution is optimized. It processes people the way a function processes inputs. Some get returned. Some get discarded. The function doesn’t feel anything about it.

Record quarter. Twelve thousand people learned what they were worth to the machine. The stock went up.